Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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