hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you inspire me to be a worse person
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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