Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
