I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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