I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
