how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
