I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
