Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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