i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
