i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
