Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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