Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
