I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
