once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
