Got a toothbrush?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
