honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
