I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
