My first STD was from a foam party
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
