just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Watching her eat just hurts me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
