As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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