she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
