it was like eating out sand paper
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i out mim tonsoeep
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