Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
