my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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