If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
