we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
