is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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