I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
