Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
