and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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