Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
