i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
