Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
