You're my little dorito
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
