The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
