Just fell off a train. Bad.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
