sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
