I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
