we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
