i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
