i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
