Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
