I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
