I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
