I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
