I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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