As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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