How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
