i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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