He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
